During the summer I began telling terrifying ghost stories at various campfires with my pals. These stories were all freestyled on-the-spot and had a
peculiar similarity. I’ve done my best to transmit the oral nature of these stories into a special Halloween ghost story double-header. Look for Blogoween story #2 tomorrow.
So there was this woman,
She was a dental hygienist, very concerned with teeth. Anyways, this woman is out at a dinner party one night when she sees this handsome fellow mingling around the other side of the room sometime before the meal is served. ‘Hi my name is Julie and I’m a dental hygienist,’ she thinks as she walks over to talk to the good-looking buck. “Hi my name is Julie and I’m a dental hygienist,” she says to the good-looking buck when she reaches him at the other side of the room.
Surprised, the man’s says, “Julie?”
And Julie replies, “Yes.”
“I thought you said your name was drooly,” and then the two of them throw their heads back with laughter. After the laughter subsides the guy tells Julie that his name is Bill.
Meanwhile, at the far side of the party someone has lit a jack-o-lantern because Halloween is about one day away. The jack-o-lantern has been carved with downward slanting eyes, as if to illustrate the pumpkin’s anger. It also has a nose represented by a triangle, and a smiling mouth with a few teeth.
Speaking of teeth, Julie looks at Bill’s teeth a bunch and then says, “Well Bill, I’m a dental hygienist, what do you do?”
Bill, being a well-mannered sort of person, considers his words carefully before saying, “I’m a manager at a candy factory.” This comment causes visible tension between the two and then dinner is served.
Julie’s dinner is exactly what she wanted but unfortunately she remembered that she had a dinner party to attend so she put her meal in Tupperware containers and then proceeded to fit each Tupperware onto a shelf in her fridge at home.
At the party, the dinner was not very good. After the dinner there was talking and dessert, neither of which was that good. Bill’s teeth were also not that good. Nearing the end of dessert-time Julie gets up to go to the bathroom and passes by the jack-o-lantern whose candle is beginning to lean to one side.
After that Julie gets Bill to leave the party with her. She says a sneaky thing like, “come over to my house and let’s see if I don’t kill you.”
The first stop on the ride home is Julie’s place of dental hygiene. In this place Julie grabs a scalpel and a mask that will cover her mouth and nose. Bill sees her grab these items and says, “oh, what are you grabbing those for?”
Julie replies with something smooth like, “I intend to do a little carving of my own tonight.”
Bill is slightly uncomfortable but hides this during the ride from Julie’s place of hygiene to Julie’s place of living. However, just as Julie turns on her left indicator, indicating that she is turning into her driveway, Bill says something along the lines of, “Hey! I know this place. One of the company’s manufacturing buildings is just around the corner. Wanna go?”
At this point, Julie is totally ready to just go home and stab Bill a few times because she’s a murderer but Julie reluctantly agrees because she took Bill to her place of work so it only seems fair. So Bill is all like, “make a right here, and a left there, go straight, then do another turn up there.”
This sort of instructing goes on for a while until Julie has driven her way down this dirt road. It’s dark, and back at the party someone has blown out the candle to the jack-o-lantern and has gone to bed. So they’re driving down this back road, Bill and Julie, when out of nowhere, around this turn, they come to this barn-like factory and Bill says, “Come on, this is it.”
So Bill takes Julie into this barn-like factory and pushes her into a big grinding machine where she is ground up to a liquid and then re-solidified with sugar and made into a couple thousand red suckers which are then sold all across the country.
